Jun. 8th, 2012

yourunichase: (look down)
A good friend of mine, one who is a complete asshole [Snape] said that this place wasn't a home. He said not to treat it like one. Another friend of mine, who is not an asshole [Cissie] said that this place is your home while you're here. Both of those things are true. Treat it like home, but get the fuck out.

There was a long time when I just wanted to get the fuck out.

When I came aboard, I thought I died. I thought that Sydney had killed me in an explosion on the same level where I was born. This place grabbed me, and I spent a year telling people I wasn't going to fucking graduate. A year. I did shit I regret during that year. A lot of it. A lot of shit that frankly keeps me up some nights.

But then I got better.

People helped me get better. People who I cared about.

People who I fucking loved. [Parker has not publicly admitted to loving Paddy before, but he deserves it.]

I worked in the kitchen, I graduated, I got my first inmate and she almost graduated before she vanished. Then I got an inmate who made me want to rip my hair out in the form of Atia. And then I got Erik and I fucked up and left after the weird dream shit happened.

I fucked up.

I was here for a deal that would mean that someone else I loved wouldn't have met me, and because he didn't end up in my fucked up little life, he wouldn't have died. He wouldn't have been murdered by a group that was worried about my focus, and he would have gone on to have the good fucking life he deserved. Thomas Gates was the best man who I knew in my life before here, and he wanted me. He loved me, and wanted me, and I was going to marry him. He was going to be my redemption before this place was, and he was stolen from me. I'm not going to steal me from him.

I'm going home. It's time, after thirty-three months. I could have just left before, and not come back, but I know how much that sucks. So, I'm here to say goodbye. I'm glad that it's on this day, one more chance to talk to people who fucking mattered.

And you all fucking mattered.

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Miss Parker

September 2013

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