yourunichase: (bored)
And nothing of any fucking value was lost. He was a whiny fucking bitch and I'm glad he's gone.

[OOC:Parker's been inserted with nanomites, so she's like original bitchy recipe Parker who hates everyone.]
yourunichase: (bloodlines)
Alright, Parker, we're doing this port. Any unpaired inmate need to stretch their fucking legs?
yourunichase: (ice queen)
Barge coma is just another way for the man in charge to fuck with us.

[Private to Parker's friends (especially the Tough Ass Women club.)
So did I miss anything important while I was dead to the world?

[Private to Parker.]
You. Me. Talking. I've got something for you.

[Private to Angelica]
Let's play with some fucking swords.

[Private to Laura]
A drink?
yourunichase: (parker book horrified)
[Filtered away from Paddy]

Alright, if you guys catch or make Paddy start swearing tonight, I'll make it worth your while.
yourunichase: (Default)
In which Parker swears a lot in audio, just cause she can. )

Now that that's out of my system...

Private to Parker

Kitchen staff, dinner and I'll show you how to cook.

Private to Paddy
You bet your ass I remember.
yourunichase: (do I look happy)
[Private to Parker]

You've been drafted to dinner work, darling. I'll make it worth your while.

[Private to Timelords]

I have a question to ask you.
yourunichase: (half face)
[Filtered to Graduates: Marquis, Aleera, Snape, Paddy, Prefect, Judas.]

You know, I think if it had been any of us that have pulled this shit Narvin did, our asses would have been demoted. What do you think?

[Private to Prefect]
You have the right idea. This is bullshit.

[Private to Paddy.]
Let's go shoot shit.
yourunichase: (Default)
[Filtered to Parker's tough ass ladies: Shego, Una, Angelica, Sveta, Laura, Parker and Sarah]
How do you ladies feel about some poker?

[Private to Paddy]
I'm still fucking pissed, I think
Damn it, why'd you have to be such a fucking dick about this
If you were anyone else I'd kick your nuts up your throat
You're an asshole, but I still love you.

[Private to Kay]

How you holding up?

[Private to Judas]
You've been fucking quiet.
yourunichase: (don't hang up)
One person makes a kindergarten crack....

Yeah, I know, a shit teacher. [Actually, she wasn't but that's beside the point.]

[Private to Paddy]

Where are you?

[Private to Parker]

Let's go for a walk.


Jan. 21st, 2011 11:00 am
yourunichase: (headache)
I have been giving a warning for swearing in front of my god damn kindergarteners.

I'm going to shoot something.

Oh wait! I don't have a gun!

[Private to Parker]

I know you're related to me, you're in my family photos. What are you doing?

[Private to Paddy]

What's your number?
yourunichase: (gun pointed)
Seriously, if you want to fucking kill people, just shoot or stab them. This heart ripped out thing sucks.

I've died on fire and being shot and being disintegrated and this sucks the most.

The only thing good is that my damn hair grew back.

[Private to Parker]

What's your status?

[Private to Paddy]

You better be fucking alive.

[People in zero filter]

Are you all right?
yourunichase: (Hunting season)
If it's not one thing it's a fucking nother.

Parker, Jude, Adam, I haven't heard from you lately.
yourunichase: (parker book horrified)
I am never going to get that song out of my fucking head. Ever. I think it might be fucking following me.

[Even now Parker is snapping her fingers to it; please shoot her.]

And uh... thanks for the Christmas presents, I forgot to mention that.

[Private to Parker]

Alright, now that I'm my normal self, how about we have an actual meeting in the pub?

[Private to Laura]

How's it going, kiddo?
yourunichase: (carmen body)
Attention Gumshoes. This morning at 08:00 hours, legendary thief was spotted in the library of the Barge stealing a priceless edition of A Christmas Carol with notes in the margins written by Charles Dickens himself.

[Have a video taken from a fisheye camera of a women in a red trench coat and hat stealing the book and seeming to vanish into thin air.]

Your job, gumshoes, is to track Carmen Sandiego to find the loot, then the warrant and then the crook. Best of luck, gumshoes

Do it Rockapella

Well, she sneaks across the Barge from the kitchens to corridors
She's the sticky finger flicher from hallway A to hallway C
She'll take ya on a ride on a slow boat to nowhere
Tell me where on the Barge is Carmen Sandiego


Dec. 17th, 2010 06:13 pm
yourunichase: (smiling)
[Have a happy, relaxed looking Parker wearing a truly horrible sweater, one she refused to wear during port. She's holding a cup of eggnog and standing in front of an ornately decorated fireplace. The one in her room if you've been there before. In her hair there's a giant red bow.]

Christmas, it's lovely. I am so glad I'm here for it. I can't bake like Rex, so you should stop by for some eggnog. It's great, just like my Dad used to make.

[Added later, and Parker looks embarrassed.]

I've been assigned an inmate. Parker, you and me need to meet!

[Private to Paddy.]

[A big grin.]

I really owe you an apology. I didn't think mistletoe worked like that I was wrong.

[Private to Uhura]

Sorry I was a bitch to you before. It just really looked wrong and I know how much you hate me. It's alright though, I like you.
yourunichase: (do I look happy)
I really fucking love the barge at this time of year. I fucking can't say that enough. Christmas is amazing.

I'm not mad at anything right now.

Also, be sure you play with the mistletoe and break it; it makes the effects all the more magical.

Private letter to Santa, written before the flood hit. )
yourunichase: (look down)
Well now that all of that bullshit is done...

[Added after, with Kota approval.]

Who can fucking cook a turkey?

[Private to the Admiral]
Alright, asshole, the last week sucked, but give us turkey's for Thanksgiving. Turkeys and all the things that goes with them. We need a good fucking meal.

[Private to Paddy.]
How much do you know about Thanksgiving?
yourunichase: (bad sign)
I'm bringing Tim Drake into the infirmary; he's suffering from some kind of barge coma.

[Private to Shego.]

I found him, he's breathing but he won't wake up, I'm going to dump him into the bed next to you and let Martha and Sveta handle him.

[Private to Paddy]

You have one shitty coupon to redeem when you catch up on sleep.

Audio post.

Nov. 9th, 2010 02:20 pm
yourunichase: (missing pieces)

[Private to Paddy]

You still around, Paddy-cakes? You've been quiet.

[Jarod's gone, officially. Parker is not a happy camper.]
yourunichase: (do I look happy)
Alright fuck this place. You know what I remembered? We have a pool. Anyone care for some recreational activity to calm the fuck down?

If all else fails I've got beer and scotch and an item to get me in there.


Oct. 30th, 2010 04:11 am
yourunichase: (Default)
This place keeps getting curiouser and curiouser.

[Have Parker as Alice in the blue dress looking a bit confused.]
yourunichase: (sleep)
[There is a click and a movement, because Parker's come back with her journal in her hand, and has accidentally turned it on as she pulled her hand closer to her face. Her voice is a still sleeping mumble.]

Goodbye, Tommy.

[And then she stretched and looks toward the window and realizes... that's not her view.]

What the fucking hell?

[The communicator is dropped onto the floor and Parker moves over in PJs to try to open the window and can't clearly.]

Where the fuck am I?

[Barge amnesea will only last until she sees someone she knows. Then there will probably be more spam later when she talks to someone about how this place changed her so much she couldn't kill Brigitte. ]


Oct. 19th, 2010 03:17 am
yourunichase: (joy)
You know, as far as ports go, that was quite probably the best damn one there's ever been. Admiral, I know you did New York at Christmas, so let's plan on doing that again.

Granted, getting my costume while drunk was god damn hilarious, but it's not like I'm ever going to need to wear it again.

Also if anyone even looks at my Chinese food in the freezer, I'm going to rip their god damn lungs out with my bar ha--

[And then her post is cut off, and Parker poofs for her final canon review. When she comes back on Thursday, she'll be all ready to graduate. If you wanna come and have someone see why the audio is still running in her room, awesome. If not that's awesome too. Oh! She'll have one day of amnesia, but it'll be fine.]
yourunichase: (WHAT?!)
Is anyone else just fucking waiting for zombies to come out?

By the way, I may need someone to bail my ass out if one more stupid fundamentalist tells me or some kid that they're going to hell again. Right now I'm in a bar. Anyone want a drink?

And I'm not wearing a fucking costume.
yourunichase: (considering)
God fucking damn it. Why do I feel like I haven't moved in weeks? What the fuck? Why the hell do I need to have to deal with a fucking flood in addition to all of you lovely people?

What the fucking hell?

[Edited after learning of her two week absence.]

Alright, what the fuck have I missed while I've been gone. Where the hell is Paddy?

[Parker's back because I fail at making sure I have the source material for her canon update and because Hulu switched over to season 1 rather then four without announcing they were gonna be do doing it. Derp. She'll be going off again sometime next week. Also, clearly affected as hell.]
yourunichase: (bitch far away)
I hate floods like this. I've just got this weird fucking feeling in my stomach that I'm going to hate it more once I get wherever the fuck it's telling me to go.

[John, Parker's looking for ya and being an angry bitch about it. Sorry.]
yourunichase: (do I look happy)
Well, it could have been worse.

Funny, you would have thought I'd forgotten how to do that when I became myself but I didn't.

So, everyone back in one piece? Genius boy, you fuck off too?

Angelica, you okay?
yourunichase: (flood: sword swallower)
I'm going to find whoever took my 11 incher and I'm going to shove it so far up their ass!

[Parker is a sword swallower who's been with the carnival for two years. Everyone just calls her 'Parker'. And she totally doesn't bother with filters]
yourunichase: (parker syd)
Does anyone else have a weird sense of waiting for something?

[Private to Paddy and Judas, separate-like]

Doing better?

[Private to Aleera]

I wanna talk to you about something?

[Private to Denise.]

So what the hell do I need to do to graduate?

[Private to Jarod-voice.]

Are you alive, wonderboy?
yourunichase: (bad sign)
Dear Admiral Fuckup:

You're a sadistic bastard. I hope you know that.

[Private to Laura.]

How are you doing since we got back? Do you wanna... have a drink or something?

[Separate Privates to Parker's people: Adam, Malc, Irene, Bela, Ned, Aleera, Jarod, more people that my brain is blanking on. If you think you should be here, ya are.]

Are you alive and out there?


Aug. 21st, 2010 05:22 pm
yourunichase: (gun)
One fucking person calls me Catherine Lyle, and I'll personally remove your larynx with a spoon and a smile.

Right, where the fuck are my people? Denise, Jarod, Green, Jude, Mulder, check in please.

I wanna get out of here.

Laura, you're Paddy's inmate, right?

[Parker is totally pacing in one of the rooms, but she's not stupid enough to go below alone. Spam this up if ya wanna. I may be going out for a bit this evening, but I'll tag when I get back.]
yourunichase: (become like this)
You know, I really don't feel affected this time. Thank god for that, I'm sick of the Admiral's bad driving skills.

[Parker is affected as hell. By the way, if your characters ask her her first name (which they will) her response will always get staticed or somehow drowned out. Otherwise, have at.]
yourunichase: (phone)
[Filtered to Paddy, Billy and Judas.]

We should do something, you know together.

Other than quitting smoking.

[Private to Jarod, voice.]

Ring ring.

58. Poker.

Aug. 8th, 2010 01:29 am
yourunichase: (hair)
I'm bored. Who wants poker?

[Added later]

8 in the dining hall.
yourunichase: (WHAT?!)
[Those people on the sixth level might here a large amount of swearing and possibly things getting kicked around. People who know her probably get why this is a huge deal.]

[Multiple people checking in is totally chill.]
yourunichase: (smokey)
You've got to be kidding me. A year. I've been here a year. What has a year gotten me? Five wardens, a fucking boatload of trauma and bullshit. The only good thing about this place is that people from home aren't here.

And I'm not a fucking vampire. God damn floods.
yourunichase: (eyes)
[Parker is sitting in front of her vanity mirror, and the camera is on her reflection. She keeps staring into her reflection.]

Do I look... pale to you?

[Parker doesn't look any paler than normal, but yay paranoia flood. She either thinks she's pregnant or a vampire or I don't know pregnant with a vampire. Possibly all at the same time. ]
yourunichase: (teen!parker:bad ass)
[Video. Parker is clearly standing on her bunk, and she looks vaguely unnerved. Her voice is a low whisper.]

Um. I don't wanna be a brat or anything... but is it possible to change cabins? I think there's something under my sheets.

[Is that a rustling? Why yes it is. The camera dart down to the foot of the bed and is turned off with a little squeak that could either be girl or something else. Parker has the great misfortune to be in the Marquis's cabin.]
yourunichase: (arm)
Fuck this place. Fuck it so hard.

[Parker has been watching the old vids of SIMs that Jarod's sent her over the ages, so she's in a pretty bad place at the moment. Bother her.]
yourunichase: (Jarod-Steepled)
No. No. [A clang here, because Parker has thrown the communicator where it bounced against her bed, giving a sideways view of Parker in a now too tight (and torn) suit. When she speaks, it's in an angry, smarmy tone.]

No. No. You have got to be fucking kidding me. After the fucking fear gas, now this. No. Fuck. Anyone but him.

[Parker screams for pretty much the entire sixth level to hear, and then she kicks her bed and is rewarded with a further tearing sound in her suit before she looks and realizes that the communicator is still on.]

God damn it!

[She stalked over to it and looked into it for a second.]

Fuck this place.
yourunichase: (ready to fight)
Another fucking murder. It must be Friday. Jesus, what the fuck ever happened to TGIF guys?

[Private to Commodus.]

You stay the fuck away from Judas or I'll make you wish you had.

[Added to Aleera after Paddy spoke.]

So, are you pissed at me too?
yourunichase: (flood:peeking)
[See Parker, see Parker looking adorable. See Parker looking adorable and squeaking for only animals to understand.]

Not even one fucking word.

[For those of you wondering Thisis what she is. Try that on her, though. I dare ya.]
yourunichase: (sleep)
[Parker is a bit drunk. More than a bit. She's sitting on her bed in silk PJs, and there's clearly a glass in her hand. Next to her elbow is a picture of Little Miss Parker with her mother... whom she looks just like, so yeah, feel free to notice that the kid was her.]

So, is the entire fucking barge having god damn nightmares or is it just me?
yourunichase: (Parker/scotch otp!)
Dear all you fucking idiots:

You are drunk as a result of a flood. Shut the fuck up about it. No one wants to fucking hear you rant, whine, bitch, moan or giggle.

Spare us. The next person who gets all weepy drunk is going to feel my shoe touch their liver.
yourunichase: (Centre)
[Private to Morgan]

All right, are you fucking dead or something? Where the hell have you been?
yourunichase: (broken)
[There' a little click followed by the sound of satin sheets rustling and then a small, hopeful, sleepy voice.] Tommy?

[A little pause and then there is a large gasp before Parker starts yelling and raging and...sounding tearful?.] NO! No you have got be fucking kidding me. No. Damn it, I fucking got shot for my fucking father wasn't that enough?

I don't want to fucking be here anymore!

Damn it. Damn it. I want...

[Parker had gotten up to pace at this point and then she found the letter from Paddy.] No. Fuck you.

[And then a crunching sound as Parker threw the new communicator thing against the wall.]


May. 18th, 2010 12:47 am
yourunichase: (drinking)
Just so everyone fucking knows: that didn't fucking happen. No really, it just didn't.

If you call me Catherine I'll hit you so hard that your brain forgets it has speech centers.

Still... it was a fucking good time.

A good time we're never talking about again.


yourunichase: (Default)
Miss Parker

September 2013



RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 06:26 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios